holy crap, what a decision. not too long ago monkey's mom asked if maybe sometime next year i'd be willing to move to california if she got a residency out there, but of course i've a lot more invested in that situation. i mean, my son will be nine, and he'll go with her. rather, she won't go if i don't go. i have no idea what i'll do if that situation arises. as for your situation, well, what do you know about nevada? what do you know about this guy? how risk-averse are you? there are advantages to dropping everything and running off to create a new life somewhere else. it could be good. or it could all end in tragedy, as they say. i suspect "sensible" people would tell you to stay. i say follow your gut (hearts are deceiving). this is a chance to totally re-arrange your reality. is that something you want?
|[waxing star]|[538]|[9:51 am - Thursday,April 1, 2004]

fiction 2 sounds familiar, as though i read something like it somewhere else. i can't even begin to remember where, or when. those thoughts are lost in something, somewhere. the tide that drifts in, fades out, releases me to silence. a cabin in the woods that never escapes. a frost-bitten mouse that cannot cry. the tears in my eyes that refuse to fall. something has stopped the world, and i can't turn it on again.
|[adding stars]|[537]|[11:35 pm - Tuesday,March 30, 2004]

indeed. staying afloat is the hardest part. staying afloat despite knowing that what can drag you down isn't merely inertia (though that causes you to sink as well) but is the past, the memories, the life you've lived, the very fact of your own existence in a boundless ocean. despite being unique, we're also only one in an infinite sea of things. the pinnacle of a mountain of one, amidst a trillion trillion trillion mountains of one. we have to filter out all those other trillions and keep our focus on the one that matters. all anyone can do is stay afloat. those who seem to fly are delusions, of themselves and others. each of us is the highest point in the universe. we must be, or we have nothing.
|[starpower]|[536]|[11:44 am - Monday,March 29, 2004]

here's where i get in the ring and step around like a vanilla-skyed mimic bird. there are no stations, no castes, no hierarchies. there are no rules, no levels, no competition. you are the number one person in your world. you are at the top of the pile. you are a unique individual, and thus you are better than everyone else out there. what you will be, you will be. what you are, you are. you decide what these things are, not them. you decide what you will become, not them. life is about conforming the world outside to your world inside. it will fight you, but also it will let you have your way at times. good luck with that. keep on smiling.
|[the star that never ends]|[535]|[10:03 am - Monday,March 29, 2004]

Thank you. Well, if my landlord had known that she had cancer earlier, he would have put her to sleep earlier. Probably immediately. Even now he keeps saying he wonders how long she actually suffered and just hid it. So, even though she left "early" to me,. she was actually here longer than she could have been. I hated that she had to suffer so much at the immediate end, but I think thats the only way that I could have felt like death was a release for her. I would not have been able to let him put her down, if she looked just fine. And I know it sounds horribly selfish, but its not right that anyone should have to play God for that moment, and decide whether an animal's life should end or whether you should let it go on. No one should ever have to make that choice. Anyway, thank you for your condolences.
|[Jack]|[534]|[1:39 pm - Tuesday,March 23, 2004]

i want to hear your words, but i'll settle for reading them. that's why you're on my buddy list. that's why i come here every day you add something, and sometimes even when you haven't, just to see if there's something i missed. not just that it's nice to read someone happy, to know there is still hope for the rest of us, but also because i like what you say, and how you say it. i think it was your writing style that drew me in first, then the way i could relate to your thoughts and feelings. i'm not so sure i can as much now, but that's not a bad thing. i don't want to see the future. not until i'm there, at least. i think it would make me complacent, lazy. i would expect things to happen, and wouldn't try so hard. i wouldn't believe in myself as i do, because my path would no longer be free. no, i prefer a life where i am to blame for my failures and successes to one where everything is preordained and i have no say in the matter. perhaps this is part of why i lack faith in god: if he knows what i'm going to do, if he has a plan for me, then i'm not in control of my life. then my pain is his fault, and my success his doing. i have no power, and i have no purpose. i'm just a cog in his microscopic plan, to borrow a phrase. or am i mangling that? i'm not feeling like digging out that cd right now. in fact, i have to go rework some of the mixes for my second one. ooh, i like it. better than 'january'.
|[starpower]|[533]|[9:13 pm - Monday,March 22, 2004]

i really love your site - it's fantastic and i'll be back... greetz from vienna/austria and - stay creative !!
|[georg]|[532]|[2:09 pm - Sunday,March 21, 2004]

I get more damn referrals from you than anyone. Ever. But, what I really wanted to say was, It's nice to see you happy. You deserve it. *mwuah*
|[Carie]|[531]|[2:57 pm - Saturday,March 20, 2004]

Oh.
|[piotr]|[530]|[2:38 pm - Friday,March 19, 2004]

The Doors, from Apocalypse Now. If it must be, beautiful friend, the end, at least that's one more song for the road.
|[piotr]|[529]|[11:09 pm - Wednesday,March 17, 2004]