ma'am, I'm a-doin' my best. kick some work booty, yo.
|[jack irish]|[558]|[3:21 am - Friday,May 21, 2004]

my poetry exists in three places. thought up online, directly into my diary and/or emails, jotted on tattered pieces of paper scattered through my life, and formally saved in word documents on my home computer. i rarely revise, and most of my poetry nowi is merely fragmentary expression of ideas i can't quite contain with words. emily dickens wrote some of the best poems ever written by a human being. she wrote and revised nearly a thousand poems, but we only read ten or twelve. so i say write it, get it out of your head, put it wherever you must to keep it from buzzing through your skull. this is what i do. my trouble comes when i think about what comes next.
|[wordy star]|[557]|[0:33 am - Tuesday,May 18, 2004]

my poetry, for what it is, or was, once sounded, at least in my head, as yours does. i've worked to be more abstract and less coherent and less rhyming, but now and then my natural voice comes out. it sounds ok when first released, but looking over it all i deem revision necessary. yet still it lies in a big binder waiting for me, for my fixes, for the future. the future doesn't come, because today is never tomorrow. it's not that the words come out bad or wrong, just that they would sound better a second time. i like your words, but when i read them i hear myself, and then i make the changes in my head i would make to my own writing. i wonder why this is.
|[the written star]|[556]|[10:22 pm - Monday,May 17, 2004]

On 'giving the wrong ideas' I totally understand... take care, J.
|[J]|[555]|[10:43 am - Saturday,May 15, 2004]

Interesting. Thought you could get away without anyone noticing the change, eh? {I won't be too gloat-y; I've no idea how long it's been up.} I'm not sure how representative of you it is anymore, though. I do like the fact that it resembles a rose. Overall, neat. :)
|[piotr]|[554]|[7:03 pm - Friday,May 14, 2004]

that's what my relationship is for, apparently: to make things worse. and worse, i've gotten in the mode again where every little mistake i make, everything i do that upsets or isn't up to the gf's standard causes me to swear violently about what a useless fucking shithead i am. this drove a crazy, and it's pushing the n to the edge. when i dig my fingers into my arm i expect to BLEED!
|[cut star]|[553]|[9:51 am - Wednesday,May 5, 2004]

I'm really not an expert on QAF, having seen only the first three or four episodes. I'm way, way behind. Maybe it's good now, I don't know, and besides, I'm not opposed to hot naked men, be they straight or gay. Also, cheers on the Alan Rickman thing. My sense is that in real life, he's an asshole, but a very interesting kind of asshole. I heard Emma Thompson tell a story about him on the set of SEnse and Sensibility, getting right down in a cat's face and hissed at it to GO AWAY, and the cat ran away, terrified. Hilarious.
|[rdg]|[552]|[4:06 pm - Friday,April 30, 2004]

i used to tell myself those things every day. then i realized they're not something i can tell myself and change things with. they're things that have to happen as they will. i cannot force change on myself, only adapt to changing situations. stay alive.
|[the star]|[551]|[2:02 pm - Thursday,April 29, 2004]

i just happened to come across your journal, and i wanted to tell you that i am liking it oh so much.
|[jolie]|[550]|[1:45 pm - Thursday,April 29, 2004]

i don't believe in evil, i don't think. it's a morality question, almost a religious question, and as a person living in a world without absolutes (evil being an unequivocal absolute) i simply can't hold that anything is truly evil. there is good and bad, which has to do with effectiveness more than anything else, but not good and evil. yeah, i read too much nietzsche in college. furthermore, i have problems with guilt, so believing i create my own morality, my own right and wrong allows me to reduce the paralyzing guilt that once plagued my every action. it's not nihilism and it's not apathy. it's something pragmatic and real, but uniquely me.
|[arrow star]|[549]|[9:51 am - Wednesday,April 28, 2004]